Remember You?

I recently came across an article from Parents.com, "3 Signs You've Forgotten About You". This caught my eye because as parents, and especially mothers, we tend to put ourselves last and put our kids, spouses and work ahead. After the cooking, cleaning, laundry and work, the only thing you hope for is to have more than 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep at night. And that's never guaranteed.

When I came across the above-mentioned article, I was intrigued by the signs that made the list, since I've hit all three, multiple times in fact. I won't keep you in suspense any longer. According to Parents.com, the following are three signs that YOU have been forgotten:

• You're not getting everything done
• You are tired and/or get sick frequently
• Your patience has bid you adieu

I experience two out of the three every single day. Every mother thinks she's the only one that feels this way. Well, it looks like there is at least one other mother (moi) feeling the exact same way. In fact, I am 99.9% sure that every mother feels the same way at one point or another (or most likely more often). So in order to feel less like a failure we attempt to do even more, which of course backfires, sending us on a spiral into further misery.

Sometimes the right answer seems counter-intuitive. In my post on the Five Things I Learned in My Five Years of Parenting, I list out things we as Moms can do to make us the best Moms we can be. My Mom always tells me that children need healthy Mothers. To be better for others, we need to be good to ourselves. So taking care of ourselves should be a priority. As a follow up to the five things I've learned, I wanted to list out some things we as Moms can do to clear our heads and replenish our energy.

• Get a few girlfriends together for an evening out - you'd be surprised how much this can do for the psyche. (Try to make this a habit.)
• Coloring books for adultsare all the rage - calms the nerves and focuses the mind
• Try to run errands on your own - having alone time is a scarce commodity for parents. Any chance to have some time for oneself is greatly welcomed. A run to the grocery store or even taking out the garbage offers a chance for a little bit of tranquility.
• Last but certainly don't let it be least, make time for the spouse. The relationship that brought your children into the world should be nourished to maintain a thriving family.

I am always open to new ideas and suggestions. I'd love to hear what you do to unwind and replenish. Please do share in the comments below.

Until next time...

Five Things I Learned in My Five Years of Parenting

I am just about one month shy of being a parent of a 5 year old. In these five years, I've become a parent of not only one but two boys. Transitioning from one child to two makes you reflect on what it was like having just one child, and ponder how in the world you'll manage everything that's already on your plate, plus the needs of another, whole human being. This is the time when you start to prioritize and strategize.

After having my first child, I tried to be everything I was before child and manage everything that came with having a child. As crazy as that plan is with one child, with two children, it is just not humanly possible. Unless of course, you're not one that requires sleep. After having my second child, more and more I started coming to terms with the fact that I can't be everything to everyone, all of the time. With this realization, I started letting go of things that caused me heartburn.

• Guilt comes with the territory - feeling guilty about what you did or didn't do is just part of being a parent. Guilt about not having enough patience because you don't take enough time for yourself to regroup. Guilt because you take time for yourself and don't spend enough time with the kids. I accept and embrace that guilty feeling as part of my daily life but I don't allow it to overwhelm me.
• Asking for help is NOT frowned upon - they say, "it takes a village to raise a child". On some level I agree with this sentiment. It is perfectly OK to ask for help. I've been lucky enough to have parents nearby that are able and willing to help. I am a strong believer in kids building a bond with their grandparents. Grandparents get a chance to bond with the kids and you get a break, and a chance to catch up on things you haven't had a chance to get to. Sounds like a win-win in my book.
• Taking "me" time is a necessity - It's a chance to step away and get in touch with yourself as a person, and not just yourself as a parent. "Me" time allows me to be a better, more patient parent. I see it only as a positive. 
• Everything won't get done every day - In an earlier post I mentioned how hubby and I try to manage our weekly to-dos and chores. One of the things he said to me as I was getting ready to get back into the working world was, "it's OK if everything doesn't get done every day". And you know, he is right. It's all about setting realistic expectations. The more realistic the expectations, the less unnecessary stress you'll endure. If we got three things done today but didn't get to a pile of laundry, it's not the end of the world. It'll still be there, waiting for us tomorrow. 
• Skipping soup one day, won't kill the kids - I come from a culture where not having soup everyday is almost a sin. On a weekly basis, I wrecked my brain over what kind of soup I should make that week. Because the kids need to have fresh soup available at all times, and if they don't, I've failed as a parent. This is quite a burden to carry. In reality, making fresh soup every three days is just not feasible, and if the kids don't have soup for a few days, they really will be fine. In fact, they might thank you for the soup break.

I would love to hear your stories, What have you learned from your parenting adventures? 

Until next time...